Let’s backtrack to April 30, marathon day. It was rainy, cold, and I ran the absolute worst race of my life. 4:46:30. I could go on and on about a pot hole and tweaking my knee (no, really I can) but what it all comes down to is training and stress.
I have put my body through the ringer this past year. Weight gain, poor energy, and low drive all contribute to poor training, which was my own mistake. Accountability goes a long way, and it’s one of my weaknesses- believe me, I’ve got a few of those. I’ve been told that I always had an answer for everything, but it’s because I’m always thinking (SEE, answer). Anxiety does this thing where you run through scenario after scenario, trying to figure all of the outcomes.
If it’s a stressor, I’ve overthought about it. It’s part of the reason I run without music, actually. Running allows me to think, to physically allot time to everything stressing me out. With the post-marathon body/hobble, as well as this knee injury, AND job hunting, I am struggling to keep myself happy and healthy, which means I have to find a new healthy and efficient way to cope.
Many people view healthy as what you eat or how many times you work out, when it truly encompasses so much more. Allotting body time for activities when working a night job, understanding physical limitations a few times a year due to an illness that’s never going away, trying to long-run, plan and organize having a tiny social life all fall in the realm of healthy (for myself, I’m sure we can all lost out our positives and stressors). The way you share yourself throughout life is what embodies health. Sleeping, monitoring food intake, putting in the time to work out, growing your faith, doing something fun, budgeting financially all leads to a healthy fluid life, and I think that’s what I am missing.
I graduate in 9 days. I have finals and projects on top of pain, stress, and managing a job. Right now, my plate is full but I know bombarding myself with life is necessary to move forward. My marathon was AWFUL, it’s 4 days later and I am still crying. Yeah, I’m scary overwhelmed. But the truth is, this too shall pass. My frustration and anxiety have been spilling over to people I care about, and that totally defeats what I am working towards. I’ve had so much life happen within the last year I sometimes forget not everyone is out to get me.
Where I am in life, right at this moment, heavily relates to how I ran my marathon. “No walking.” I pushed, despite the pain and swelling. I had to alter my gait, throw off the trash bag I was running in, and just move forward even though conditions were less than ideal. It was awful, but I’ll never forget the Illinois Marathon.
Cheers to a new chapter.