As a runner, I am mediocre. I’m chubby, not super quick, and always struggling to find the time to get my run in between work, dog sitting, being with my family, and maintaining a normal functioning relationship with an even busier person. This year has been utter chaos, and through the mess, pain, and loss I mismanaged myself and allowed for me to lose track of my passion: marathon training. I live for the long run, and training days make me feel strong and motivated. I’ve done so well this past round of training by remotivating myself, that I allowed myself to forget the most important element of any athletes training regiment- self care.
I stopped taking myself seriously because I had very little self worth for almost a year. I would go on little benders, allow myself to take “numbing” to an extreme whether it be with the pain medication or alcohol. I contributed to my downfall, completely recognizing how the behavior I was partaking in was detrimental to my lifestyle. It was not until Bear, my dog, died that I finally took a step back and actively began to run and create some type of healthy lifestyle for myself. I left the bar industry, limited drinking to one day a week, discovered a business industry that allows me to learn and grow, but that wasn’t enough. The weight gain halted, and I have even had a few “skinny” days where I felt good but I realized that is not what I want for myself. I did not come as far as I did only to cause myself to turn around in the wrong direction and allow for bad habits to alternate my lifestyle. I came to “motherfucking” slay.
The past three weeks I have had to decrease my mileage in order to battle a cough, nausea with increased heart rate, dizzy spells, and fatigue. It wasn’t until my boyfriend told me to “take care of myself” when I realized that “kinda” changing my lifestyle isn’t enough. I need to drastically make changes and void myself of toxicity to help regain the foundation of my health. I am sick, and unable to run, because I have exhausted myself between everything I try to take on. What needs to change is not going to be easy, and will be an uphill battle for the near future, especially with The Chicago Marathon and my too-early taper problem brewing. I am taking control.
I am simplifying my life. Below is a list of what I am changing, and how I plan on tackling these changes to become an all around better version of myself. I want to be in shape, I want to run fast, I want to have high energy levels, and I don’t want to have a crutch anymore. I want to live easier and simpler in order to provide myself a foundation on which I can build on.
1. No more soda.
I adore and live for soda. The bubbles are essentially carbonated crack and I ache for it daily. I decided that this is a major element that I initially changed when I first lost weight and it’s instrumental in helping my make my life easier. It will be one less thing I “need”.
2. Eliminate technology from certain aspects of my day.
When I run outside I need to connect more with my environment. I sit on a computer all day at work, and always have my phone. It’s time to allow myself to disconnect and redirect my energy into something that benefits me and will allow me to grow. I want to read more, enjoy the outdoors, and not miss experiences all because I want to share every little thing with people. Step goals are just an idea and iot won’t make me any skinnier meeting a 12K goal daily. I want to live without restrictions.
3. Visit more with family.
I want to have stories to share rather than memories. You never know how long people are here on this earth so making time to connect and learn about them makes your days a little more meaningful.
4. I want to read and write more.
Writing is a passion of mine, and I want to share my stories, love, losses, and passions with others, even if no one else really sees. I think we all have stories to tell and no matter the positive or negative impact they have on your life you deserve to share the words you have written.
5. I want to take running and health serious.
I have a goal of cutting back all processed foods from my diet. Ultimately I want to allow myself to be healthy with what I put in and what I do with my energy. The alcohol, nicotine, and any other fried food have now all been eliminated. I don’t want to live off of drive thrus because I’m always going. I want to take time and prep my meals. I need to use my gym membership and cross train to get myself stronger. I need to live as an athlete to become one.
I am resetting my life cold turkey. No more booze, cigarettes (with the booze), fried food, or soda. I want to live simpler and enjoy doing what I love again. I want to get stronger, faster, thinner, and I know I can do it. It’s going to be a long road but I know what I am capable of. In the next few weeks I will be writing more, and sharing progress. I will also be running the Chicago Marathon… at least, hopefully running as long as I can get myself healthy.
Here’s to the simpler life.